We often hear: “Maybe your standards are too high.” But who decides what “too high” even means? What if what others call “unrealistic” is simply aligned with your self-worth? Research in relationship psychology shows that people with clear standards and boundaries report higher satisfaction and stability in long-term relationships (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships).
Tony Robbins | Personal growth and success mentor
From a neuroscience perspective, our brains are wired for pattern recognition. If you’ve had past painful experiences, your nervous system remembers. Setting high standards isn’t about being picky; it’s your brain and body ensuring safety, alignment, and emotional health.
When you lower your standards to fit someone else’s expectations, something subtle but powerful happens:
At first, you might convince yourself that it’s “fine” – but long term, your subconscious always knows when you’ve settled for less. And the cost isn’t only an unhappy relationship. It can affect your self-esteem, your energy, and even the way you show up in your career, life and friendships.
High standards aren’t about demanding perfection. They’re a reflection of your self-worth, your energy, and the life you’ve built for yourself:
These are just the examples of standards that high value woman expects. Your list can go on and on into details, standards should be authentic to you.
High standards are simply a way of saying: “I know my value, I love my life, and I won’t settle for less than the energy, attention, lifestyle, and respect I deserve.”
For me, setting high standards wasn’t just theory – it was a practice I lived daily. In May 2023, I wrote down a detailed list of the qualities I wanted in a partner (long list on full A4 format page): values, lifestyle, energy, vision for life, the way how he treats me, how he talks to me – I went into details. I visualised it and felt like it is already part of my life. But I didn’t obsess over it. I let it go and trusted the process. I focused on living the life I wanted – enjoying dinners and lunches with friends, building my carrier, traveling, doing sports, living my mindful lifestyle daily.
I was fully aware that I could be fulfilled on my own and that a partner should only enhance that. I didn’t need him in order to feel loved neither did I need him to create a life for me that I wanted to live. I created it first by myself.
Deep in my hearth I knew he exists and I was led by thought “if I exist with the characteristics that I have, then I believe he, exists as well”. At the same time, I let go. I was ready to be alone if I don’t meet a man who fits my standards.
When I met the love of my life in July 2023, he exceeded even the standards I had written down. I didn’t have to compromise, chase, explain, or settle – because I had first committed to living by my own values. Holding true to my standards allowed the right person to appear naturally, and the relationship started from alignment, respect, and shared energy, not from need or compromise. From the first day everything was clear for both of us, we wanted the same, there was no need for explanations “why this, why that”. We just recognized in each other the values that we both wanted.
The real question is not: “Are my standards too high?”
The real question is: “Am I clear about my values and the type of partnership that nourishes me?”
Compatibility means your standards meet someone else’s reality. For the wrong person, your standards will always be “too high.” For the right one, they will feel natural.
Instead of asking if your standards are “too high,” ask:
When the answer is yes – then they aren’t high. They’re yours. They are representing you. Other people who say to you that your standards are “too high” this means that their standards are representing them and your’s are too high for them. You decide what is your worth, and what is your “standard”. At the same time, let others decide what is too high for them. That is legit.
High standards don’t keep love away. They filter out what isn’t love. And that is how you create the space for the relationship you truly deserve. Standards are something authentic and they shouldn’t be the same for all people because there is no general definition of what is too high or not.
Your thoughts and beliefs are creating your reality, what you believe it is possible for you, you will have it. You have the power to choose what are the standards you want to live.
Keep rising, beautiful soul
